


Better

by casbean



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, Human Castiel, M/M, canon!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2019-08-11 14:05:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16476971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casbean/pseuds/casbean
Summary: Dean imagined it a thousand times.





	Better

Dean imagined it a thousand times. Maybe not consciously, maybe mostly in his dreams… Which is probably why it was always so  _magical_. Different. On a cloud, in another universe.

And it  _is_ , in a way, it’s certainly… something else. But it’s much more real than Dean ever thought it would be. It’s not a dream, it’s not a fantasy. It’s not an ideal version of Castiel that lays kisses on his shoulders in the morning.

It’s a real man, with a scruffy jaw, morning breath, a warm body. With a mouth that tastes like spaghetti or chocolate cake, not flowers and rainbows. And when they’re together, it never goes exactly the way it should. It’s never perfect. It’s bumpy, it’s trials and errors, pinched limbs, stuck clothes, muffled laughter and weird sounds. It’s  _human_.

It’s real lips that are wet and sloppy against Dean’s, it’s real hands that grab on to his skin, sometimes digging bruises because Castiel always holds him so  _tight_. It’s real pain and real pleasure when they move together, and it takes them a while to find the right rhythm, the right way to be with one another.

And there are things, things that were never in any of Dean’s dream, because he never even thought anyone would act like that, think like that, that anyone would want  _that_.

It’s hours spent lying patiently while Cas kisses every single freckle on his body. It’s shivering in the cool air, naked, vulnerable, a strong grip pinning him on the bed any time he tries to move. And lips, light, soft, delicate lips, pressing on his skin a million times. One kiss for each freckle, for each golden hair, for each little mole.

It’s always been like that with Castiel. Always unsettling, always going too slow or too fast. It’s too much or it’s not enough, forcing Dean completely out of his comfort zone. Taking away all of his control.

Cas didn’t just magically change when he became human, when he became Dean’s. He didn’t magically become a porn star, he didn’t magically become smooth and sensual, he didn’t lose his strange, slightly off the track personality. He still stares too much, doesn’t quite understand, is never quite in pace with life. He’s also still methodical, logical, and curious - and he still tries so very hard.

He still gives Dean everything he has.

And he’s still just  _Cas_. Hard to read, impossible to understand sometimes, and most of all driving Dean completely crazy. Because he never knows what to expect, how to handle so many emotions, all those emotions that Cas inspires him, and the ones that Cas communicates to Dean,  _about_  Dean. He doesn’t know what to do or what to say, because he never allowed himself to dream about  _this_. 

About the  _real_  thing. 

And every moment him and Cas spend together, Dean is so completely  _present_ , feeling things reach inside of him to depths he never experienced before. And his heart always beats too fast, his emotions are always too strong, tipping on the edge, his skin is over sensitive and every single breath, every single touch, every single second with Cas, he’s  _there_.

It’s not a dream. It’s not a fantasy. Cas is real every morning, every night, kissing him awake and kissing him to sleep. And Dean is there for every single second of it, and it’s not magical, and it’s not ideal, and it’s nothing like he ever imagined.

It’s so,  _so_  much better.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [here](http://casbeanie.tumblr.com/) or [here](http://casbean.tumblr.com/)


End file.
